Saturday, April 17, 2010

Many Buddhas

I guess the reason to have a Blog is to Blog…which I haven’t been doing. Today we have a grey day- the first rain I’ve felt (except for 17 big fat drops the other day that blessed me while I was pumping gas). Seems like a good day to write a little, since hiking would be soggy.

I’m in my final 2 weeks here in Santa Fe. The 30th my faithful dog and I will hit the road for “home”. Not quite sure where home is, anymore, though. There were many reasons for spending the winter out here. The first was to get out of New England’s ice and sub zero cold. Second was to have an adventure. Third was to see if I might want to move here. I escaped the harsh winter, had many adventures, and am, in fact, seriously pondering the move.

I am totally between worlds right now and trying just to be here, now, while I am here. Thank you, Ram Dass. I am one of those people who multitasks. Or pretends to. Neurology shows that when we “multi task” we are really just bouncing back and forth between different activities/thoughts: they are not happening simultaneously. It is actually much more efficient to stick with one thing at a time, as a lot of wasted energy spent is spent in transit, so to speak. Try convincing any mother of small children of this…good luck. When I catch myself figuring out how to pack a particular clock, worrying if friends will visit, or imagining the negotiations with buyers for my house (which isn’t even on the market yet), the Buddha I wear around my neck gets to chuckling. I hear him, but boy is it difficult to let it all go. Sometimes I feel like I am being irresponsible if I haven’t covered every possible problem before it happens. And come up with a solution.

Luckily, I have a couple of ‘reverse-Buddhas’ in my life. You know the type- the well-meaning friend who will ask “But what if your son gets hit by a car??? Can you get there in time???” or ‘Aren’t you afraid of plague? I hear fleas out there carry it!” And the truly subversive one… “Gee, it’s so expensive to travel, I probably won’t get to see you much….” These questions (some of which I ask myself) bring out the healthy side of me, thank goodness. Some questions I do need to cover; Can I get to family and friends in a reasonable amount of time? Is Santa Fe a community that will support me in many ways? The rest can wait. My job is to put one foot in front of the other, and be present with all of it- my emotions, fears, hopes, responsibilities- all of it. There’s a lot I haven’t figured out yet. I don’t need to.

There’s this man- Swami Satchidananda- who founded Integral Yoga. He says “You will never find everlasting peace: you already have it, if you just stop disturbing it.” I love that. I think of all the plague, looming death, potential loneliness, etc. that I could surround myself with, and I think I’ll choose not to!
The sun just poked out, and my new friend Bobbie called to see if I wanted to go out for lunch and then hear some Cuban music at the Museum of Folk Art. And my friend Juliet is coming to visit this week. AND I haven't seen a flea yet.

I rest my case.

1 comment:

  1. I know you've got it in perspective. You're making thoughtful moves. As I plan a similar move, I notice a few friends are angry with me for planning to leave (them) or because they infer that I'm critical of the community they love. Some friends actually seem frightened. I guess when we decide to change, it changes everyone else without their consent.

    I'll be thinking of you on the road!